...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My life is pants optional.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
