one two three fourrrrnication!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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