I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
