Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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