O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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