Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
