shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
