If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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