just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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