what day is it and did you see me today?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
