FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
