he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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