my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
