i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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