why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
