Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
