There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
...so i touched it.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
