I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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