...so i touched it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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