this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
