guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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