OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
