dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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