Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
