You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize