all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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