There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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