after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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