then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
