I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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