My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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