Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
