no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Small penises have feelings too.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize