how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
