that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
