Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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