all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
