I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
