Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
