sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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