just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
