Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
