just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize