I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize