No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
