oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
