grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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