The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
