Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
accomplished twins. life is a go
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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