What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
