my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize