Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
