I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
