this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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