I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
