I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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