woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
