She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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