Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
