its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
