I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
