Christians are straight up FREAKS
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
