end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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