and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
