Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
