Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize