tell your sister to shave her snatch
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
and she was petting her beer can
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
