Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize