Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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